Monday, November 18, 2002


As we go through the process of acquiring resources, we can see the worst of who we are.
I hold my Styrofoam cup of coffee and feel a pang at the pit of my stomach as I realize I'm caught in this animal kingdom.

Posted by ruth at November 18, 2002 01:25 PM

Acquring resources?
I had just read a story on your company's former owner, I think, and a "transition" to new leadership. You're in my thoughts.
Things are downright wacky where I work also, with a new boss and an entirely new staff that he brought with him. I'm not sure what the future holds either. My Styrofoam cup's getting a good squeeze too.
Posted by: Ryan on November 24, 2002 03:33 PM
Thanks for the prayers.
I do not refer to my company but I can see where it can be perceived that way based on my very abstract, (intentionally) vague statements.
I've been working off-site for a few months. An eye-opening experience, which brought about this most recent entry.
Suddenly, I find that I am lucky that my place of employment is relatively healthy. Morale is higher than most places given the current economic condition, and people at least attempt to have an attitude of teamwork and support. It's not always perfect, but, hell, after what I've seen, I can't ever complain again.
At one point, I'll have to write out all my ideas about this somewhere. I have lots of questions.
Thanks for checking in, Ryan. Sorry I haven't been keeping up w/ all that's being posted on I haven't on-line very consistently.
Take care,

Posted by: ruth on November 24, 2002 06:14 PM

Ruth, Happy Thanksgiving!
Posted by: kane on November 28, 2002 08:28 AM
Ruth, hoping you are well.
I do miss your writings & shared thoughts.
Posted by: kane on December 7, 2002 03:55 AM
Merry Christmas.
Posted by: kane on December 25, 2002 01:32 PM

Mele Kalikimaka, Ruth.
Posted by: Ryan on December 26, 2002 10:55 AM

Monday, November 4, 2002

Lost in Sent Email

I went through old "sent items" e-mails in the year 2001, trying to find a link I had embededded in an e-mail (a UH Manoa Web site that was rather obscure -- it's the page that contains classifieds for faculty). I felt like I was wading through sludge.

Last year, I was changing quickly, and awkwardly so. I was naive about how ungracious others could be. I spilled myself open to the wrong people. Innocent, sincere words. Idealistic, giddy. And the receivers found themselves in near disgust when it was all said and done. It was a tough year, not for any outwardly visible reasons, but for the storms I braved within. And seeing my e-mails again made my stomach turn. I couldn't help but be sickened by naivete.

And for awhile, I didn't want to have such "honest moments." People often prefer less emotion, less vulnerability. They want "clever." They want "intelligent." They want "sophisticated and elegant." They want to see the outside, really, since the inside is jiggly and gushy. The outside makes no threats and is lovely to look at. The inside is unwieldy and always bypasses the eyes as it sends an uncomfortable electric shock to the gut. People don't like that. Reminds them of themselves.

So, I've picked up a skill these days for outside things. These days, I'm "selectively naive."

Now, if I can only find that Web link ...

Posted by ruth at November 04, 2002 08:43 AM