Friday, December 10, 2004

Part of Me Fell with the Twin Towers

souls run through
powdered streets
at her feet
neckties like flags
wave desperately
without answers
as he stabs her heart
crushing her form
bringing her to her knees
then she cries
with a plea that
he not forget her

Written 10/2001

Posted by ruth at December 10, 2004 02:25 PM

Thank you for reminding us....
As a child, I grew up with the towers erection, saw the shadow of tightrope performer Phillppe Petite as he walked between them. As a teenager, visited the roof many times, like the kids here visit beaches and malls, emerging from the labrynith of train tunnels below, and riding in those escalators and elevators shoulder to shoulder with those suits. As an adult, celebrated in Windows, with my friend Setrak, who designed the interior.
So, years later, In Hawaii, to have seen the images of those bodies falling and then read how even the scrap metal languished and was shipped to India is very hard to bear.
Posted by: Mike Shiroma on December 13, 2004 08:26 PM
Hey Mike - Powerful memories. Thanks for sharing.
Posted by: ruth on December 21, 2004 04:59 PM

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Waikiki to My Memory

Yesterday we swam in light blue waters that darkened
As the sun departed.
Your hair a drenched crown
Your face a mirror to the changing sun
Your body a mystery lost to the vastness of the sea.
In the ocean, sounds from a thousands miles
And a thousand little worlds
Echo an ancient chorus on the water's surface,
Whispering reminders that our time is fleeting
And that the moment, as inspiring as it may be,
Is but a vapor.
In silence, I answered them
With the indigation of a child,
Committing all that I heard and all that I saw,
Your words, your smile, your laughter,
To my memory.

Written to my husband, two weeks after the date of our wedding - September 4, 2004. I love who you were, who you are and who you will become.

Posted by ruth at September 19, 2004 04:12 PM

Dear Ruth and Husband:
Congratulations on your marriage!
Your prose always heartens me by proving that decent, good, people like you exist who generously share their time and energy.
I especially appreciate your process of working through emotions, ideas, and experiences to formulate an opinion.
Mike Shiroma
(Probably not a relation, but who knows?)
Posted by: Michael Shiroma on September 24, 2004 06:11 PM
Dear Ruth and Husband:
Congratulations on your marriage!
Your prose always heartens me by proving that decent, good, people like you exist who generously share their time and energy.
I especially appreciate your process of working through emotions, ideas, and experiences to formulate an opinion.
Mike Shiroma
(Probably not a relation, but who knows?)
Posted by: Michael Shiroma on September 24, 2004 06:11 PM
Dear Ruth and Husband:
Congratulations on your marriage!
Your prose always heartens me by proving that decent, good, people like you exist who generously share their time and energy.
I especially appreciate your process of working through emotions, ideas, and experiences to formulate an opinion.
Mike Shiroma
(Probably not a relation, but who knows?)
Posted by: Michael Shiroma on September 24, 2004 06:12 PM
I'm so sorry for the above repeating twice!
I'm barely computer literate and didn't intend for the above to happen.
Posted by: Michael Shiroma on September 24, 2004 06:17 PM
Hey Mike! Thanks for your very kind post. Over the years, I've met a lot of Shiromas. Anyway, no problems about the repeat posts. Makes me look popular!
Take care,
Posted by: ruth on September 25, 2004 11:49 AM
You have wonderful etiquette, but any role in saying "thanks" is mine. I worry regarding the local culture and government that my elementary school aged kids will enter in a few years. (For example, my generation had heroes like Emmett Aluli, Joanne Yukimura, and Keiko Bonk. Since then, we seem to have self-scripted ourselves as a mix of "1984," "Antz" and Matrix.") So, your work, as well as Ryan Ozawa's, has been a precious light, freely given, that inspires my hope that my kids' Hawaii won't be so bleak.
Posted by: Michael Shiroma on September 26, 2004 01:00 AM
What? Hey! Congratulations! Big congratulations! Beautiful, just beautiful. Your husband is a lucky, lucky man.
Posted by: Ryan on September 30, 2004 08:59 AM

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

These Holes

I want to embrace you again.
But the holes in my soul caused by you
Cannot be repaired,
And from time to time,
I feel the wind blow over them.
They make sounds like windpipes
Humming solemn melodies.

If I put my arms around you again,
Parts of you will fill those holes.
It'll hurt.
And when you step away,
I will be foolish to declare
"The holes are not there anymore."

I know how profound it is,
To say goodbye to you
When your steps are but a block away
And when you continue to weave
Beautiful, glorious things into the world
And when the mystery of the universe
Is revealed by every heart beat
From inside your chest

I'm sorry. I care, but these holes ...

Posted by ruth at July 14, 2004 02:05 PM

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Dress Up

Last night at Macy's, in the teen girls department, Naomi and I flipped through a motley assortment of dresses marked down two, three, and sometimes four times. The splashes of color were outrageous - large red flowers with heavy black outlines, pink ribbons for straps, cartoon characters over bright yellow on a tea-length skirt. Under the cheap fluorescent lighting in the grundge-style fitting room, Naomi slipped into each outfit, and with childlike happiness she stepped toward and away from the mirror, turning different ways. The dresses were ultra-feminine, like the Stepford Wives, though the fabric of course was thinner, being in the teen section. Against Naomi's brown muscular back and wild black hair, the dresses were tame yet whimsical, contradictory. I was clumped in the dressing room corner, taking in the scene of two 31-year-old twins playing dress up in a teen cubicle, somehow wanting to be ladylike, but on our own terms.

Posted by ruth at June 22, 2004 12:49 PM

Monday, June 7, 2004

Your Ex-boyfriend

I saw your ex-boyfriend in 7-Eleven today. He was buying a lei for his son. And the family is growing, as he and his wife are expecting a newborn in July.

To him, you were sexy, exciting and complicated, toting a Fendi handbag and insisting on wearing high heels wherever you went, even if it were to the Waikiki shoreline. You made him profess that you were the prettiest woman he was ever with.

You didn't love him, but you somehow needed him. He would've married you in a heartbeat, but you thought he was not good-looking enough, nor did he earn enough of a paycheck. He wasn't your "intellectual equal," though you did at least pat him on the back sometimes for being "generous." You stretched him in all ways, and he tried to conform. But he grew weary of you, and, exhausted and dullened, he let you go.

He was beaming today, and I was happy for him.

Sometimes we leave such epic things behind us, and when we look back, they seem so far away from where we are today.

Posted by ruth at June 07, 2004 06:52 PM

Friday, May 21, 2004

Mother's Day

I remember walking up strange streets in Okinawa with you, past houses with iron gates and stone walls, watching compact cars and colorful taxis nimbly drive by. I was 12, and you were younger than I had thought. We walked past merchants piping Japanese pop songs, their music mixing with the Thompson Twins playing steadily in my mind. We passed by temples and crowded graveyards with crypts as big as pet houses. I picture the tight curls permed into your hair and the dresses you wore, soft and lilting and feminine and humble, your flat shoes protecting your feet and reporting to the other ladies that you indeed were down-to-earth.

I may not understand everything a mother loses when her daughter grows up. I can only grasp for memories like this.

Posted by ruth at May 21, 2004 04:55 PM

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Crossing Sacred Lines Revisited

I just read an old entry, Crossing Sacred Lines, and realize how far I've come. We're making progress, I think.

Posted by ruth at January 28, 2004 06:18 PM

Wednesday, January 7, 2004

Sexy Christian Women

Once in awhile, I listen to Christian and politically conservative talk shows to hear about issues that are top-of-mind for a large part of our population.

I was irritated by a woman who called into the Dennis Prager talk radio show this morning.

She's 34, and explained that until about age 31, she had not been aware that guys were so powerfully moved by a woman's looks. The discussion centered on a recent study showing that men make less-rational decisions when they encounter an attractive woman.

Prager said that "secular women" know less about men than their Christian counterparts because Christian women appreciate the natural temptations of a man. And in understanding this male tendency, Christian women tend to dress more conservatively.

The woman on the show went on to say her secular friends are naive about a man's reaction to a woman's appearance thus "they dress like whores."

That wasn't a godly thing to say.

I was reminded about the cruel environment a woman can be placed in if she is a Christian yet chooses to dress more provocatively.

This really took me back to my college days, when I did indeed adhere to more conservative perspectives and judged other women for their sexual behavior while at the same time being constantly looked down upon by missionaries who thought I dressed like a "slut."

A few years have changed me. Another person's sexuality and their presentation of sexuality should not be what stirs anger toward other human beings. If a woman is sexy, let her be sexy. Calling her a "whore" is more than just a cut to a sexy woman, but a put-down to what sex is. It fails to recognize the beauty of sex and places it in this "filth" category. Sex and sexiness and the desire for sex by anyone is not "filth."

The self-righteousness of some Christian women is overbearing, and the ugliness I felt on the radio was not godly at all. I shudder to think that these people think they're speaking on behalf of God. No way.

I shudder to think that I used to be that way.

Posted by ruth at January 07, 2004 02:33 PM

wow... a more true understanding of sexuality and godliness by far than one normally hears from a Christian maybe I'm not alone in believing that they CAN co-exhist... who are you?
michael C Jones
Posted by: michael on February 22, 2004 11:21 PM
I agree wholeheartedly with what Ruth wrote. I am a fairly new Christian who has worked overseas for a humanitarian organization in some of the most difficult places in the world. I pride myself on my professionalism and yes, I happen to be quite attractive. Simply because I chose not to dress like a frump in potato sack dresses but rather chose to be fashionable, I often sensed disapproval from some colleagues who were missionaries--typically women. What is interesting is that none of these women ever bothered to find out about my background or accomplishments; they simply made erroneous assumptions about me based on how I look. We are all created by God and I don't see anything wrong with celebrating or maximizing our beauty. While it's true that this should be done with some moderation, there were times that I sensed that some Christian women were of the viewpoint that somehow if they didn't wear makeup and wore unattractive clothing, this made them more spiritual. No different I suppose than the Pharisees who emphasized the washing of their hands before eating and believing they were holier.
There are people who are strong Christians and believers who also happen to be sexy and attractive--deal with it. Next time you are ready to judge someone unfairly simply because they dress differently, try to find out who the person is deep inside rather than assuming because they look a certain way, they must be vaccuous, superficial and not close to God.
Posted by: Madeleine on September 29, 2004 04:58 PM
I agree that sex and sexiness is not 'filthy' or a sinful subject. Sex is a beautiful creation by God and a masterpiece of creation. Its just sin's distortion that makes sex a sinful subject. Showing a part of the body, private or not private is not sin because human body is also a beautiful creation by God.
Shame comes from the devil, it brings pain, hurt and sadness.So let's not feel shame to show our beauitiful body. Since God has created this beautiul body what's wrong in showing it, nothing, it just shows the beauty of God's creation. When a person looks at the body of a person wearing a sexy clothing, he should praise God and admire the beautiful creation of God- "For everything which God created is good and nothing to be rejected when it is gratefully received, for it consecrated through the word of God and prayer" ( 1 Timothy 4:4 ). I would prefer all the people around the world to stop seeing the human body, including private parts as indecent. Claiming the human body as indecent is Satan's idea.
I am 15-year old boy who believes in Jesus Christ as the Christ,the Son of God and my personal Savior. I am confined to a wheelchair and would like to have friends around the world with anybody. Just e-mail me , I will be sure to reply. My e-mail is . The LORD be with each one of you and your loved ones.
Remember every human being has a beautiful body and face. For we are all the LORD's beautiful creation. Jesus Loves Us All.
Posted by: Joshua David on March 24, 2005 11:26 PM
i am male 20 years i wnat to mirrage with sexy girl woman
Posted by: Farooq khan on July 8, 2005 10:03 PM


By the way, I love my parents. I love them with everything I have. I've done preliminary Google searches for children who grew up in fundamentalist homes and have read only angry and vicious diatribes about the "evil" of religion.

While I'm saddened by what dogma has done to society, I can't say I share the same hate toward fundamentalists or the ideas they hold. Basically, the core of my parents' concern for me is their love. They think they know what's best for me, and I think I know what's best for myself. That's all.
In the meantime, I'm caught in the middle and feel hurt over their extreme disappointment in who I've become. I don't know how many people can appreciate what I'm going through, even at age 30.
I wish there was a forum discussing these issues yet treated people and ideas more kindly than what I've come across so far.

Posted by ruth at January 07, 2004 05:42 PM

Aloha, fellow soul on earth. You are an exceptional writer with great, great insight. Rarely do I encounter a fellow being with such insight. I usually do not communicate my feelings for fear that others will not understand. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your sage insights on people, politics and life.
Posted by: Roland on January 28, 2004 11:01 AM
Thanks for visiting, and thanks for your kind words.
I like fearlessness.
Keep sharing with others,
Posted by: ruth on January 28, 2004 01:08 PM

Monday, January 5, 2004


I feel jumbled up.

The subject lines for my e-mail this afternoon:

"Timecard Approved"
"Software Patch Promotion"
"Goodbye, Randall"
"Leave Your Job and Make Money on eBay"
"Ceilng Panel ... Water Leak Reported"

Somewhere in all this mess, among the transferred data, you wonder if you had meaning. You did. We will always remember you, Randall.


Posted by ruth at January 05, 2004 02:40 PM