Hate

By the way, I love my parents. I love them with everything I have. I've done preliminary Google searches for children who grew up in fundamentalist homes and have read only angry and vicious diatribes about the "evil" of religion.

While I'm saddened by what dogma has done to society, I can't say I share the same hate toward fundamentalists or the ideas they hold. Basically, the core of my parents' concern for me is their love. They think they know what's best for me, and I think I know what's best for myself. That's all.
In the meantime, I'm caught in the middle and feel hurt over their extreme disappointment in who I've become. I don't know how many people can appreciate what I'm going through, even at age 30.
I wish there was a forum discussing these issues yet treated people and ideas more kindly than what I've come across so far.


Posted by ruth at January 07, 2004 05:42 PM

Comments

Aloha, fellow soul on earth. You are an exceptional writer with great, great insight. Rarely do I encounter a fellow being with such insight. I usually do not communicate my feelings for fear that others will not understand. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your sage insights on people, politics and life.
Posted by: Roland on January 28, 2004 11:01 AM

Roland!
Thanks for visiting, and thanks for your kind words.
I like fearlessness.
Keep sharing with others,
Ruth
Posted by: ruth on January 28, 2004 01:08 PM

Meaning

I feel jumbled up.

The subject lines for my e-mail this afternoon:

"Timecard Approved"
"Software Patch Promotion"
"Goodbye, Randall"
"Leave Your Job and Make Money on eBay"
"Ceilng Panel ... Water Leak Reported"

Somewhere in all this mess, among the transferred data, you wonder if you had meaning. You did. We will always remember you, Randall.

Goodbye.

Posted by ruth at January 05, 2004 02:40 PM

Goodbye, 2003

The Review

This was an even better year than last. I launched three of my own Web sites, performed original songs at two separate house concerts, discovered that I indeed have a songwriting partner in my Sweetie, visited Chicago and New York again, got a raise and tons more. To top it off, I went to a glorious performance of Beethoven's Ninth at the Blaisdell last night and plan to sneak in a glass of champagne sometime before the stroke of midnight tonight. I had much to be thankful for this year and feel that I got more than my fair share of blessings. I don't take a thing for granted.

The Prayer

Dear God, I still fear you. I know you see and understand. Help me to love others. I almost forgot what it was like to hear the words, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." Haven't done that just yet, but I'm working on it. I'm still in the process of realizing how pissed I am at people from my past, but will get to it as soon as that phase is over.

The Hope

What do I have to look forward next year? I won't predict a thing. It's never as you expect. Just bracing for another ride.

Posted by ruth at December 31, 2003 12:34 PM

Downtown Crowd

They continue to eat at chic downtown restaurants, wearing Ann Taylor office suits and Donna Karan hose, sprinkling "God" into the conversation over chicken Caesar salads.

They couldn't rescue Naomi from the periphery and seem indifferent over her transformation into a passing thought. She asked me to have lunch with her. I agreed. But today I cringe. Behind my electric blue eyeshadow is a soul who will not see what she may too delightfully describe.

 Posted by ruth at November 06, 2003 12:30 PM

Big Picture

My stomach is turning and turning. Why does the universe allow people like her to win? There's something eerie that clouds this place.

Posted by ruth at September 17, 2003 10:09 AM

The Waitress

Maybe I try so hard to help her become an artist because I was too scared to become one myself.

I watch as the hours of work dwindle to nothing for her and understand how she has to prepare cheap home meals to make ends meet. She's thinking about becoming a waitress, and I plead her to find ways to get paid doing design. But she tells me, "I have to survive."

"Would you like something to drink?" she'll ask them, then return, placing glasses onto tabletops with a masterful hand.

Posted by ruth at September 17, 2003 10:27 AM

Comments

She's alive!
Posted by: One Bad Pig on September 20, 2003 01:13 AM

You know, Mitchell, I think it's been too long, and I have forgotten what it was like to feel the rawness of life and just live.
You don't know how much I needed that reminder. Perfect timing.
Posted by: ruth on September 22, 2003 04:49 PM

Turning Pillow

a midnight tear
for your fear
and indecision
and how they may
drive me
to one morning
wake up
in my own bed
knowing that I can
never
climb back
into yours


Posted by ruth at September 11, 2003 06:44 PM