Tired Songs

Stretch and work my brain
Hours into the night
Hours into exhaustion
For words on digital pages
That are edited away like vapors.
I did something there, I really did.
But who will ever know?
Who will ever care?

Posted by ruth at February 23, 2003 05:22 PM

Comments

This entry has haunted me for a week now. I love it. It's something that's troubled me for years, now, the unreal, changing nature of modern communication. Whether just a grocery list or a masterpiece of literature, it can come and go in a fraction of a blink.
If the electrons that made up a poem go elsewhere, was the poem ever there in the first place?
Posted by: Ryan on March 9, 2003 09:53 PM

ah ...
I shall meditate upon that pixel.
:-)
Posted by: ruth on March 12, 2003 01:44 PM

Reality to AIM For

I checked out my buddy list on AIM tonight.

Some buddies have faded. And not from me, but simply from the care of people in general. I see and sense this.

Some buddies I knew were just kids a couple years ago, but something happened to them. They got hurt by a love or fell out of favor from work supervisors. They've become reclusive. The light has left their eyes.

Probably the same mantra: Build shells or die of pain from the elements.

I want to chip away at you, but sometimes I feel as if I will die of fatigue trying to get to your impossible center.

Posted by ruth at February 12, 2003 11:05 PM

Valentine's Day

I know it's early, but I can't help it.

Sweetie, thanks for a year that even I with my crazy imagination could never have dreamed of.

You are the real thing. I love you. With all my heart, I love you!

Happy Valentine's Day.

Posted by ruth at February 11, 2003 11:39 PM

Broken Links

in a dark parking lot
under a fluorescent lamp
he is diety
an expert of the web
speaking many obscure languages
so he tells me
and why should i doubt
such a curved smile
and blue jeans that seem
delectable?
i want to know the texture
of his denim
down to the bone
of his ankle
but he tells me
"as i traverse your site
i find broken links"
so i ask forgiveness
for the bad code i cannot change
just yet
but he'd rather look
at his watch tonight

Written 1/16/2002

I wrote that poem awhile ago, in the middle of much angst and loss.
I was reminded of this entry as I was putting together a site tonight. Sometimes, the outside can look so good, but the internal structure can be devastatingly horrible.

Posted by ruth at January 28, 2003 01:14 AM

Comments

so very true.
Posted by: kane on January 28, 2003 7:26 PM

Church of the Abs

Pretty soon, I'll be heading off to the gym. Andrew, one of the personal trainers, saw me and thought I was my twin sister, Naomi. He later expressed relief to Naomi that it was a mix-up.

"At least you're still lean" is what he told my sister.

I know I'm not mean and lean like my workoutoholic sister, but I'd say I'm at least pleasantly curvy. I strive to exercise at least four times a week and eat responsibly.

But these gym rats live in a different kind of church. They are judgemental in a different way. Their minds have been molded by the doctrine of lean. I pity the woman who has to live up to Andrew's ridiculous expectations. Ultimately, it's just so ... boring.

Posted by ruth at January 27, 2003 07:51 PM

Comments

I find that a woman with curves and softness is not only more attractive than many of the hardbodies that frequent these gyms, but they are generally more realistic and down to earth. Just my opinion.
Posted by: kane on January 28, 2003 7:24 PM

kane! why thank you!
a refreshing way to put it. "softness" - i like that.
Posted by: ruth on January 30, 2003 4:48 PM

Supposedly

Suddenly, you grow up, and the world gets jumbled up.

Everyone expects you to be a certain way, and for some reason another, you can't be "that" way.

I watch my parents' world tumble before their eyes. And as much as I want them to be happy, I cannot change what they see on the screen.

I hide so much from them. The great calamities they see are still just the edited version.

On the brink of 30, you'd think I'd have more freedom to think and do what I see is best.

Posted by ruth at January 19, 2003 05:02 PM

In the Face of Truth

I saw his face on TV this morning. He explained to reporters that he didn't care what people thought of him as long as the publicity helps to put Laci's face on TV so more people will be able to recognize her.

I didn't know much about the case and anything about the investigation. But this morning, my gut curled up as I watched a closeup of him speaking among throngs of reporters.

His face screams what his words deny.

Posted by ruth at January 17, 2003 10:25 AM