Fading Film

Even if I were to be free
And fly as far away as I possibly could
Even if I had the chance to be me
To realize fully my potential,
The things I leave behind
Are things that I loved
Things that made me feel grounded as a human being
Like happiness and closeness to family
Joy and satisfaction.
I feel the cells in my body separating somehow
They are saying goodbye to each other inside my body
Like two lovers parting
Not because they want to
But because they have to.
This is so new to me, I don't know what will happen to me.
I know it goes somewhere, I just don't know where.
I shiver sometimes,
Perhaps out of fear
But mostly out of pain.
I keep crying because something is slipping away,
And I can't do anything about it
A part of me is fading away.
Sometimes I think of my mom's voice
And my dad's voice,
And they sound so sweet,
But somehow they are getting so faint
Like after you watch a movie you really loved
And you are trying to recall what happened.
Your heart connects with what you felt
When you first saw the movie
But the images get blurrier and blurrier.
Does anyone know what this feels like?
I thought this would be easier.