Adult Scream

Last August, my brother became a father without the prospect of becoming a husband.

"If that happens to you," my mom said over the phone, "Mom will not exist on this earth."

Mom moved from Okinawan in 1969 to become a pastor's wife and a mother in very short order.
For more than three decades, Mom and Dad worked hard to give their four children everything, including an education.

And in the true spirit of learning, I explored many ideas, not just the ones handed to me during my childhood. I began to see that some "right" paths are absurd.

My brother had become a father that way, but he was being more human than the rest of us. I want to be human, and openly human. But she says it'll kill her.

I want to scream, "That's not fair! That kind of pressure is wrong!"

But she will curl and cry. And she will tell me, "I am nothing to you, then. I have no meaning." So I refrain, as any respectful little girl would.

I'm 30. I'm silent. I want to scream.

Posted by ruth at May 09, 2003 03:33 PM

Comments

Scream! By all means, scream. Mother will survive it. And you and she will be stronger for it.
Posted by: kane on May 11, 2003 08:10 PM

Kane - thanks.
It's a little jarring to see secret parts of people who were once your superheroes.
Ruth
Posted by: ruth on May 12, 2003 12:37 PM